September 29th, 2014- It’s 11:30 PM. The New York skyline is proudly on display, and I struggle to keep my heavy eyes open for a midnight screening of Gone Girl. We wait outside of the Walter Reade Theater with all the other David Fincher enthusiasts and at the age of 14, I think to myself “how I on earth can something this cool be happening to me”. For the month of October, Lincoln Center was home.

The New York Film Festival is a huge launching pad for many Oscar contending films and from 2014-2016, that festival was my obsession. I remember the hours on end staring at a computers screen in a virtual waiting line trying to get that hot ticket that you pray won’t by on standby. The first Sunday in September was always a grind for tickets. We’d have three computers up and would check constantly if we had moved at all in the waiting room. It was an all day event for the ages. I remember the countless train rides to NYC to get to Lincoln Center and all the dinners afterwards with my dad discussing the movies we just saw. We’d talk about how much we loved the Q&A after the movie or how are seats were just perfect or how it never gets ild watching the film festival trailer before the movie starts, which is this awesome supercut of the entire slate of films. We’d go to the same pizza place before one movie and then get there again that same day between a doubleheader of movies we had. It wasn’t the best pizza, but it was the closest so it became a NYFF tradition for us. I would always print out the tickets because I never trusted E-Tickets and was that serious about making sure we get into our screening with no hiccups. Those Octobers for three years are all there in this one photo.

After one movie years ago, my dad and waltzed around the Lincoln Center to the their amazing fountain, which truth be told is one of my favorite spots in NYC. While during the day it is gorgeous, it becomes immaculate at night. I got lost in the bursting water and my dad took a picture and there’s no photo I love more in this world.

But this story isn’t about the film festival. NYFF is just the backdrop for an even bigger event in my life.

It was at that Gone Girl screening my love for NYFF began and the next year my dad and I would see 10 movies total, including one faithful October night seeing the Aaron Sorkin penned Steve Jobs. After another classic NYFF night, dad and I went to BarBacon where any meal you could imagine would be added with bacon and lots of it.

I was eating the buffalo wings and while the outside, I was happy to have just seen a new Aaron Sorkin movie and talk about it, on the inside, I was hurting. Starting in February 2015, I had crippling stomach pains with the issue being that I did not tell anyone. I kept these pains to myself do they would not seem like a big deal. I just wanted to ignore the pains.

I excused myself to go to the bathroom where I was in fetal position as these pains got the best of me once more. I liken these pains to walking a tightrope; any minute wrong move is how i moved or what I ate and my pains would consume me. This particular night, it was not smart to get the wings. I come back out to my dad still sitting at the bar and knew it was time to fess up. That night was the first night I told anyone about my pains. A month later, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease and began a path to feeling healthy once more.

To me, NYFF and my Crohn’s Disease will always be connected. That night seeing Steve Jobs and going to that bacon restaurant after was one of the biggest nights of my entire life. The way I see it, seeing Gone Girl in 2014 began my love of NYFF and then seeing Steve Jobs in 2015, leading to finally feeling healthy again. When I see that photo, I see not only the beauty of New York or the beauty of NYFF, I see the beauty of a life pain free.

That photo was taken a couple months before the pains started and consumed my life. I can see a person that could fully live life, not restrained by the pains on the inside. The photo was the before, the year after was the biggest moment of my life and it’s now it is time to talk about the now.

These days, I haven’t had a flare up since I was first diagnosed. It’s been almost three years now of a healthy life with no stomach complications. None of that would be possible with that October night at NYFF in 2015. That festival still holds a special place in my heart because of the memories, but also because it gave me a life again. Saying what i said to my dad that night let me continue my love for film because now nothing could hold me back. That film festival also continued my love for film too as it began my love for indie movies. These two things let me pursue my love for film and now has me here at Chapman University.

I now sit on the sideline as my parents keep up the NYFF tradition. I’m able to recommend them movies they need to see there and they try to get to as many as they can. After every movie they see, they always call me on the drive home and tell me how the movie was. in a way, it makes me feel like I’m there with them and I can still experience NYFF 3,000 miles away. I need to be able this film festival still because of how crucial it is to my life. It was a turning moment as I finally asked for help with my pains, while also letting me explore my passion for film.

Out here now as a film student in California, it’s great to still experience NYFF in some way. Octobers are not the same as they used to be. Instead to trying to grab NYFF tickets, I’m refreshing pages trying to get AFI Fest tickets. I live a healthy life and still love doing the film festival grind for tickets, which was the Brendan Weissman you see in that photo. We both had working stomachs and both loved the thrill of film festivals. While the coasts might have changed, the film lover at heart didn’t so when I see that photo, I smile because I know I’m still that kid back in New York in 2014. I see the same person, but I also see the journey that was about to happen to him as well. It took a lot to get back to that kid living a life at Lincoln Center. I write this currently refreshing a page trying to get tickets to a Natalie Portman movie at AFI Fest, which is no different that that kid in the photo waiting in a virtual line for NYFF tickets. What’s important is what happened in between those two moments and that is what I experience in this photo.

When I see this photo, I feel everything. Before the stomach pains, during the stomach pains, and after the stomach pains and how it’s all connected to the New York Film Festival.