Nina brought up to the point about going more in detail about A. the process of how I met Dr. Fox (which then led me to wanting to more talk about my first ever appointment with him, that would be a great direction to give more details and more on the “then” and “now”) and B. what was I mindset to conclude to going to therapy. It could give more insight to those on the fence about going.
Elizabeth brought up talking more about misconceptions the country has on therapy. Bringing in a stat about this misconception can emphasize the point more about my call to action about cancelling the stigma of therapy.
Dirty Water 
Brendan, thanks for sharing this summary of your takeaways from peer workshop on Friday. I think the feedback from both peers has possibilities to strengthen your letter, which is developing along a very effective track.
I’d mentioned to you briefly after class Friday that you’ve done a nice job of constructing your persona: We know you’re in your second year of college, a long way from home, and the time/space of your situation occurred last year, notably your “first year of college,” which proves to throw boomerangs at everyone!
Though you do not offer a lot of detail to your challenges I do think your sharing of a struggle with “judgment by others” is impactful.
I recommended that you slow down in some places. Your ideas are occurring so quickly that it causes enjambment in your syntax at times. (Third paragraph). Try to slow down. Let your ideas unfold and allow yourself time to explore them fully.
LikeLike