The decision was made. I was going to go home second semester and probably never come back to Chapman. I’d knock off some GE credits at Montclair State, maybe get a job, and possibly transfer to Ithaca in that fall. I did not have all the details sorted out but I knew one thing for sure: I needed to be home second semester of my freshman year.

Dad was going to come out and help pack and we’d work out storage and all that headache inducing stuff. I’d emailed my adviser to talk to him about interrupted admission and I had already started making forms to do a semester of classes at Montclair State. The wheels were in motion here. There was no turning back. No ifs, and, or buts about it: my mind was made up.

Until it wasn’t.

With one week left until I was home for good and would probably never go back to Chapman, I saw the post on Facebook to audition for Richard Nixon’s Big Adventure and that tonight was the last night. Didn’t really think much of it at first because what’s the point, but as that day went on, that Facebook post lingered. I couldn’t get it out of my head. Call it hope, call it optimism, call it whatever you want, something in my head told me go to that audition, knowing full well you probably wouldn’t be there next semester.

I was going to audition for a musical about Richard Nixon for no reason, and giving myself only 8 hours to prepare.

I knew what I wanted the outcome to be. Audition, not get a part, bolt to NJ. One final rejection from the school as I headed out, but also having closure and peace of mind of auditioning.

I walk into the room at 10 PM with no care in the world. Nothing was at stake. If i got, yay that. If I didn’t, equally fine. It was playing with house money. With my monologue printed out in my hand since I had no time to memorize a whole monologue I sing Harry Styles for 30 seconds in front of Bridget, Kyle, and Emily. I then had to do a french accent, Russian accent, and do a fake news segment and think of something funny right on the spot.

Honestly, that audition was the most fun I had all semester.

I walked out of the room with a smile face in a semester full of depression homesickness. Noticing that smile made me ponder: maybe I should go back this semester if I get a part. If. It was new, it was exciting, it was fun based just off the audition. It was the thing you craved first semester that you could have second semester.

2 days later, the email for callbacks come and they want to come back and read for some lines. I was stunned and honestly, mostly annoyed crazy enough. It through a wrench in my plans. It made have to make a tough decision after one was already made in mind.

I reluctantly go to the callbacks thinking “OK this has gone one far enough, I’ll do this callback, not get the part and head on home”.  That never happened.

The callback was even more fun than the audition I was. I had laughed more that day than I had all semester.

Two hours later, I’m offered the part and I immediately accepted. Didn’t even run it over with my parents.  If that callback was anything like rehearsal would be, I was willing to take that risk and go against fixed plans I had in my head. The whole thing was the definition of sheer impulse.

Impulse saved me, impulse kept at Chapman and made me awesome friends, amazing memories and four awesome shows of Richard Nixon’s BIG Adventure.

I spent inter-term at home and had all these thoughts in my head: was this the right call? Will second semester be a repeat of first semester? Did I really deserve this part? For six weeks it’s all thought about, but I was sitting in a row all to myself heading back to Orange for spring semester, one thought soothed all the noise: all in.

I had liked the decision I had made to come back, but still had those doubts, but then I learned those doubts get you nowhere. It was time to go all in. All cards on the table. It was time to dove into the shallow and if it blew up in my face, I still knew that I took the risk. I had to abandon my nostalgia for New Jersey and plant some roots in Orange. Maybe all of it would not work out, but at least I could say I went all in.

As far as I am concerned, 2018 started in February. I had wasted January thinking myself to death at home, so it was just another month of 2017. I had 11 months in this year so I had to make most of them. Classes started basically February 1st so it was time to truly begin a new year.

Three months later, I stand there on a closing night in my hipped outfit taking bows with my fellow cast mates and it had all become clear: Chapman was home. Nothing at Montclair State or at Ithaca or back home made me feel so happy, feel so independent, and liberated. It took a school year to get there, but I hung in there long enough to find out. With my mom in the crowd for closing night, she too could see the change in me. A invigorated teen truly ready to begin college life.

It all started on impulse, one audition, one split second decision, and one choice that had changed everything. Completely rerouted the timeline of my life and where it was going. All because of a crazy Richard Nixon musical that had sock puppets and psychedelic rock songs and simple mantra that I’ll never forget now: all in.